One year ago the car was all packed up and Adam and I were ready for a relaxing weekend away. We had decided since we had been through a lot in the previous few months that we would spend Thanksgiving together, just the two of us, in one of our favorite spots in Northern Minnesota.
I hadn’t been feeling the best in the previous weeks and in the back of my mind I knew something wasn’t right, but didn’t want to believe it. Adam had convinced me that going to the walk-in clinic to get checked out before we left would be best – they’ll check you out, tell you that you are ok and then we can leave.
They checked me out, told me things weren’t ok – and just like that – Thanksgiving was canceled.
One Year Later
In the last post that I wrote, only two weeks ago, things were looking hopeful. I was going to be getting my chemo port out, I was going to get another MRI (that had – what I thought – no reason to come back as anything but fine), and I was going to celebrate the holidays cancer free and grateful.
I’m trying not to get down on the positivity that I had, but it’s hard now, a few days after finding out that my MRI came back showing new growth in my uterus.
When I heard the news, I was shocked. I had completely convinced myself I was in the clear and I had progressed so much in my healing journey. Now I can’t help but wonder – what’s next for me and how do I keep my chin up when things are starting to crumble again?
I’ll be honest – it stings a little more this time around, but I’m going to push through this. I’m going to force myself out of bed when it’s not easy. I’m going to push through tears and let them fall if I need them to. So many people have told me that I’m strong and brave, but these aren’t really things things I have chosen, they have chosen me.
In case you are wondering, Thanksgiving this year is not canceled. Trust me, I thought about it but I’m really sick of letting this thing get in the way of our life. I am more grateful than ever that Adam and I get to host our families at our house this year. Being close to them during this time moves the focus from my uterus to my heart. That was a weird statement but I’m gonna leave it. 😎
My Next Steps
So what does the future hold for me and my sweet little Tom E. Tumor? Well, I want his ass out – and for good this time. This might mean I’ll also be losing the room he has been staying in, but we don’t know for sure quite yet. I’m currently waiting on results from a PET scan to make sure cells haven’t spread to any other part of my body, from there I’ll meet with my team of doctors to decide how we’re going to fight this. I’m ready to make any decisions I need in order to be done with this and to move on – without this little interesting group of cells that keep cropping up.
If you are still following my journey and reading my posts, I sincerely thank you for being here with me. Having so many wonderful people in my life to help me through these moments is what makes me strong and brave – I appreciate every single one of you. Hold your family and friends close this holiday season and always.